Archive Page 2
*Sigh
I’m procrasinating. In about an hour I have a meeting with my thesis group to discuss the 30-odd pages I gave them to read. I am going through ebbs and flows of just wanting to be done with it and wanting to perfect it. Ideally, both at the same time. Yesterday I was inspired and rewrote some stuff, but today I’m procrastinating. Mostly, I think it stems from the rewriting aspect, I know it’s better once it’s rewritten, but it’s frustrating to write for hours and not have any more pages done. Especially when I am in need of pages. *sigh
I’ve realized a crucial aspect of why I am so frustrated at work. I think it has to do with not having any ownership of a few things that have been added on my plate. They’re all administrative stuff, and basically I’m a glorified paper pusher, and now I’m doing dumb shit for my collegues who apparently can’t figure out how to interoffice anything since I’ve taken over the duties of our old assistant. I hate staff cuts. And I hate that while the tasks were supposed to be divided among the department they’ve just been given to my area. There’s a lot that I’m hating now. And I’m getting just generally anxious because I think this might be the longest time that I’ve worked at one single place and I’m missing the variety of my freelance days. I do not miss being without benefits though. And I’ve been told that I’ll be getting different responsibilites this summer, and if so, I could add an interesting aspect to my work… at least while I’m learning it. *sigh
Teabagging Parties *sigh
Pirates *sigh
I’m wanting a new wardrobe *sigh
I promise that one of these days I’m going to come up here with a super upbeat post and stop complaining. I really will. But I think these days I’m just tired and unmotivated and overworked and in desperate need of a vacation… which is around the corner (!!!) but which we still have not booked or planned in anyway.
For now I’m going to keep my eyes on the prize… just over a month until I get to relax and do a lot of nothing. I will be married and my thesis will be turned in and I will be doing lots and lots of smiling.
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Spring Cleaning
- My toes are cold. The windows are all open and there’s a cool breeze moving through our space and I am sockless. I am loving this sensation.
- I did WiiFit for the first time in 23 days. Whoops. But now I feel good and stretched.
- I finally got my external drive to do a time machine backup. Finally. It hadn’t worked since January.
- My boobs look really good from my angle in this shirt. I’m feeling sexy today.
- I also felt sexy yesterday. Which could have something to do with my activities yesterday. I mostly spent the day in bed.
- We also found some time to watch Rosemary’s Baby. It is as good as I expected, except for the very end, but there is amazing tension throughout. Sometimes I’m amazed at how many movies I haven’t seen.
- I saw the first blooming tulip of the season last night. It made me swoon.
- I’m currently reading 2 very different books. A) 2666 by Bolano. Yes, so far it is as good as I had heard. B) Timeline by Michael Crighton (sp? – I can’t bother to look it up right now) which is a trashy thriller, as they all are, but its also about quantum physics, which is amazing.
- This afternoon I’m hopefully getting rid of a huge stress. I haven’t really talked about it all year, but at some point, in June/July when it’s all over I’ll explain. But yeah, today could be very good, or very bad, depending on how this meeting goes.
- But I also get to have brunch at a new location, so I’m psyched about that. I’m craving berries, so hopefully they’ll have some fresh fruit there. And lots more coffee.
- Running late, so I gotta peace out, yo!
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Satsified
Ready for a bullet post? I don’t want to make paragraphs today, on the blog, since I’ll be making them all day, off the blog:
- Life is really good right now.
- March has been a drag. I can’t quite pinpoint it, but something feels… off.
- Work has been a large part of that, I think. There have been more layoffs. And our dept asst’s responsibilities were supposed to be spread out amongst a few of us. Somehow I ended up taking over all of them. Which doesn’t make me happy. At all.
- At least it is motivating me to write a lot. So I can leave.
- I got an email from my thesis adviser.
- Part of it said, ” Some of your peers would cringe to know how on top of things you are.”
- That makes me cringe because I do not feel on top of things, at all.
- But it also makes me smile and take a deep breath.
- Because if he doesn’t think I should be worried now, then I’ll try not to be.
- Even though it feels like I have an overwhelming amount of stuff to do in the next 50-60 days.
- I made some major major changes to my thesis.
- (I’ve stopped calling it My Novel and changed to My Thesis because somehow that is less threatening)
- Including cutting a few characters and many many years. It felt good to be rid of the characters because it felt like I was imposing a story upon their shoulders instead of them living an organic story.
- It’s amazing how much it has changed in the past two years. And that I’m finally getting to a point where I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. And I’m getting to a point where I’m happy with it. Big Sigh.
- In other news, last night we watched Synecdoche, New York.
- It was really really good.
- It must hurt to be Charlie Kaufman.
- I want to watch it again.
- This weekend I’ve gotten up early both days. It’s amazing how I can wake up at 8:30 without a problem on the weekends but not on the weekdays. I think that says a lot about my work. I can get up without a problem if I’m going to write, but not if I’m going to my job.
- Oh, if only money grew on trees.
- In more other news, our roommate got into grad school. That means he’ll be moving to another city. That also means that we don’t have to move. And that The Boy will have a studio in our apartment, so we can hopefully get a desk in the part of the apartment that is currently his studio, so I won’t have to write the book on my bed, or on the futon, or on the kitchen table.
- It also means that I get to redecorate.
- June cannot come fast enough.
- This summer I plan to do a lot of going out. A lot of walking around the neighborhood and being crafty and spending time with my hubby, and making homemade meals, and generally living in the moment instead of constantly planning.
- Planning to not plan? Geez.
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HaHa
from AudreyHepburnComplex
Every year, English teachers from across the country can submit their collections of actual analogies and metaphors found in high school essays. These excerpts are published each year to the amusement of teachers across the country.
1. Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master.
2. His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.
3. He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.
4. She grew on him like she was a colony of E. Coli, and he was room-temperature Canadian beef.
5. She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up.
7. He was as tall as a six-foot, three-inch tree.
8. The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of his wife’s infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly surcharge-free ATM machine.
9. The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn’t.
10. McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag filled with vegetable soup.
11. From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you’re on vacation in another city and Jeopardy comes on at 7:00 p.m. instead of 7:30.
12. Her hair glistened in the rain like a nose hair after a sneeze.
13. The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease.
16. John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.
17. He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant, and she was the East River.
18. Even in his last years, Granddad had a mind like a steel trap, only one that had been left out so long, it had rusted shut.
20. The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work.
21. The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for a while.
22. He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a real duck that was actually lame, maybe from stepping on a land mine or something.
23. The ballerina rose gracefully en Pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.
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Brain Mush
I’m having one of those awful days where my brain is scattered in seemingly a million different directions, constantly thinking about 20 different things, rotating about so that I can’t concentrate on anything. These days are mostly rare for me. I always have a lot on my mind, but can normally nail down 1 or 2 things at a time and get through them before moving on.
I think my problem today is that I told myself that I was going to spend the day working on my creative thesis, but I’m not inspired by it today. So tiny wedding details that shouldn’t annoy me today, are popping up and I can’t stop thinking about them. Or I’ll start to read a little bit for my literary thesis, then realize that my priority should be on my creative thesis today. And around and around and around I go and it’s now almost 2 and I’ve only written a few pages.
Ugh. Is this what it’s like to have ADD? Can I have meds for today, please? Also, I’m very anxious for it to be springtime and I’d like to take a walk around the block to clear my head but it is cold and wet today, so I know as soon as I step outside I will not be happy. I’m also thinking that I should just sit and stare out the window and maybe have my once-every-two-months cigarette, but for some reason my chest is feeling cloudy so then I’m thinking that’s not a good idea. I’m also realizing that maybe I shouldn’t be sitting on my bed trying to be productive, maybe I should move to the kitchen table or the futon, but the kitchen table leads to TV temptation which is the last thing I need, and the futon needs cleared of clothes.
Basically, I’m a creative mess today looking for any excuse not to do my work.
whine whine whine
I think it’s time for me to bribe myself. If I get “enough” done then I can reward myself early with Tim Gunn on the Red Carpet, and can do ancillary wedding tasks while watching that. If not, I have to miss out on his fabulousness.
That should work, right?
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Innocent Heathen
- My printer recently decided to stop printing out of the black cartridge. The “supply” button claimed I had plenty of ink, but it wouldn’t print.
- Today I fixed it. And that’s why I love google. It was as simple as rubbing part of the cartridge with a qtip. Really. I am overjoyed that now I can print.
- Especially because I’m printing the invitations.
- Have I told you that due to the cost of the, uh, 3, invitations I saw online that I liked (think 4k+) I decided to tackle this project on my own.
- I’m actually super stoked about them. I’m getting what I want, for less than $600, even if there some extra (lots and lots of) extra time that I’ve put into them.
- Luckily I have some amazing friends that are going to help assemble them.
- So tonight I’ve been doing that, instead of writing.
- And tomorrow I owe my writing group 20-50 pages of my new stuff.
- I have a grand total of 12.
- So clearly it’s going to be closer to the 20 side of things.
- And clearly I am procrastinating by writing here instead of writing there.
- Last night I made a decision. I think I want my 2nd thesis to be about a Shirley Jackson novel called We Have Always Lived In The Castle.
- It’s so creepy and good.
- I’m so inspired and awed by it.
- And it’s been a long time since that’s happened.
- So I’m taking that as an omen.
- The Boy comes back from Boston tomorrow. This will make me super happy because it turns out I miss him a lot when he leaves town.
- I got a manicure last Friday. The paint is still on my fingers. I think this is a new record.
- This is probably enough procrastination.
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Books Out Loud
via boingboing:
from Neil Gaiman:
My point of view: When you buy a book, you’re also buying the right to read it aloud, have it read to you by anyone, read it to your children on long car trips, record yourself reading it and send that to your girlfriend etc. This is the same kind of thing, only without the ability to do the voices properly, and no-one’s going to confuse it with an audiobook. And that any authors’ societies or publishers who are thinking of spending money on fighting a fundamentally pointless legal case would be much better off taking that money and advertising and promoting what audio books are and what’s good about them with it.
So apparently the Authors’ Guild is all up in arms because they think that if the Kindle is reading the book out loud to you, it is infringing on the copyright of the audiobook. I’m leaning towards Neil Gaiman’s side on this one. And by leaning, I mean, I have leaped to his side. How silly.
In other Neil Gaiman news, Coraline the movie was really really awesome.
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Photography Quote
I just finished reading The World within the Word by William H Gass. I’m not going to claim that it’s for everyone, and even I skipped some chapters, but then you come across passages like this, and well, swoon. It’s in his essay Wisconsin Death Trip.
Photographs represented occasions once upon a time. You dressed for them as you might for church; they cost money; they recorded important moments; you faced front; you seldom smiled, since levity was not he mark you wanted put across your face forever; yet the result of this resolute Egyptian solemnity was to separate people as they sat or stood together, man and wife or members of a band, to emphasize the withdrawn, inward look they all had, because there was nothing in front of them but a lens as cold and darkly caped as God’s eye. Event eh dogs were docile, cow jawed, stiff as porcelain. There were, of course, no cats.
The people were often strangely posed: if not before a painted drop, then in the middle of a chicken scratch or vast infertile field, chair and occupant put down there as if by a terrible wind; now and then a storefront or a string of fish was taken, people and fish alike overlapping, and an entire family snapped stoically sitting in a yard of weeds; or the film was exposed at that hour of the day when even a city’s wooden sidewalks and dirt streets seem as empty and endless as a wilderness; or a woman in her best black would be stood against a white clapboard wall, the lines behind her already folding into one another at infinity, to make so negative a space you’d think she was the entrance of a cave; and though the younger men’s faces seem beautifully stupid and naive sometimes, the sunken mouths and eyes of the older women wear their suffering the way clothes and furniture show theirs, the skull behind the skin burning like a dim bulb.
The loneliness trapped in these figures is overwhelming, and one thinks of the country, and how in the country, space counts for something, and how the individual is thrown upon his own resources, how he consequently comes to sense his essential self; and then you notice with a guilty twinge three generations posed in front of a small unpainted shack, and you realize that these families are as closely thrown together as potatoes in a sack; that, like men on a raft, space is what confines them; and that the tyranny of the group can here be claustrophobic, crushing, total.
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Whisky
Last night I went to a very classy birthday party. We arrived, and the very first question was, “Old Fashion or Mint Julep?” No lie. This party was awesome. I think more parties should involve classy old-timey drinks, instead of just a counter full of vodka, rum, and mixers.
I found out over Thanksgiving that I’m not a fan of Old Fashions, I think because of the bitters, so I chose the mint julep. I also decided that since I luuuuv drinks with mint in them, but I hate that then you have to navigate the mint in the drink (I realize that mint is edible, but I perfer not to chew it while drinking…) that I should invent an all natural mint drink that you could add to drinks instead of the leaves.
Still, the party was pretty perfect. Sometimes I really heart my friends.
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Fidelity
“Fidelity”: Don’t Divorce… from Courage Campaign on Vimeo.
So here’s the thing. I would be devastated if the government came in and suddenly declared our marriage illegal. If you have a few moments, watch this very touching video. Then if you have a few more moments you could go sign the petition on Courage Campaign.
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